Ash's Incredible Directions!
by Opal Amari
Summary: I know it's been done before, but these are different. Like all the others. Plus, I wanted to see what would happen if I wrote without Lemon drops and was quite surprised by the rusults. Now with Chapters. Enjoy!!!
1. The Chapter that is the first

Disclaimer: This idea belongs to PinkScyther. Now, I know that these are running around all over the Pokemon section but you know what makes mine different? I got her permission!!! Yeah!!

                    Ash's Amazing Directions!!! (At 2:00 a.m.)

(Ash and Hanni B are sitting in Hanni's little, square, pixel house in the little, square, pixel town of Azalea.)

HB: Ash, can you tell me how to get to the kitchen? *to self* This should have some astonishing results.

Ash: Sure!

1) Open the door.

2) Purposely trip over the beast (a.k.a. My dog) and crash down the stairs.

3) Jump into the nearest pickup truck.

4) Stay in the truck until it reaches a nearly abandoned McDonalds.

5) Run in and scream at the top of your lungs, "CHOOKO MOONGO COOKIE BUTT!!!" _despite_ the fact that it is abandoned.

6) Dodge the flying deep fryer.

7) Run 10 miles north, 20 miles west, 62 miles north, and 5 ½ miles east because everyone else is doing it.

8) Kick the next person to look at you bug-eyed.

9) Run from the flying pigs.

10) Run into the nearest shop/building. There you should be at…

Ash: Score?

HB: Oh no…

Ash: Don't worry; I have a mental map in my head!!! I'll get us back home!!!

1) Steal a mo-ped (or whatever they are)

2) Drive out of town.

3) Get into a fight with that dolled up Meowth.

4) Talk to the dude in Ilex Forest who is purposely slamming his head against a tree. (From Gold/Silver) 

5) Fall asleep.

6) Wake up.

7) Make like a tree and cover yourself with leaves and branches.

8) Steal the chainsaw guy's car.

9) Realize you can't drive.

10) Bounce painfully down a cliff.

11) Wind up in a non-alcoholic substance. A.k.a…

HB: The Atlantic Ocean???  
  


Ash: Oh, don't worry! I'll get us out of here!!

HB: *sobs*

1) Sit very still until the car is completely submerged in water.

2) Wait until Hanni whacks you over the head for being an idiot.

3) Grab whatever aquatic Pokemon you possess and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!

4) Cling to the next tourist ship.

5) Wind up in California. (I live elsewhere.)

6) Restrain Hanni from taking advantage of the 80% off Lemon Drops.

7) Paint yourself acid green and "Hello Gorgeous" to the next girl/boy/animal/shiny object you see.

8) Pick up a pay phone and call a random number.

9) Say "Hello Clarise," to whoever answers the phone.

10) Attempt to dodge Hanni as she proceeds to whack you with her Charmander plushie.

11) Run as far as you can without tiring.

12) Give a hobo the latest issue of "Etiquette Living".

13) Run until you see a sign bearing Bart and/or Homer Simpson.

14) Buy 10 boxes of rubber bands.

15) Build a giant slingshot.

16) Hurl you and Hanni all the way across the country. You should end up in…

(Crash through the roof of Hanni B's house.)

HB: Wow!!! My kitchen!!!

Ash: Toldja I could get you there!!! 

HB: Normally, I'd hug you, but Charmanders are much cuter! *Hugs Charmander Plushie*

(A/n) Okay. I know. They turn out much worse when you actually get to where you want to go. But Ash deserves some credit; even when he gets lost he still gets _somewhere_… unless he's been knocked unconscious or something like that. 

          All writing without Lemon Drops makes Hanni go sane…

          All writing without Lemon Drops makes Hanni go sane…

          All writing without Lemon Drops makes Hanni go sane… 

And just for the record, "Chooko Moongo Cookie Butt" is my brother's saying. He made it up, there fore it is rightfully his. Yup. I doubt he's any saner than I am; must run in the family.

Hanni B  
          TCLDOW


	2. The Chapter in which we search for Charm...

(A/n) Look!!! Part 2!!! Not many people read (or at least reviewed) Part 1. I'm writing a part 2 because I want to. I like writing these things!!! Fun they are!!! And other people seem to like them!!! So just enjoy!!!

                                    **Ash's Incredible Directions Pt. 2!!!!!!**

HB: Ack! Where's my Charmander Plushie?? I can't find it anywhere!!! *sniff*… It's his birthday…

Ash: Are you looking for something?

HB: Uh… no?

Ash: Hey! I bet I can find it!

HB: No, really, that's okay…

Ash: Come on!! *pulls HB out the door. *

THE SEARCH FOR THE CHARMANDER PLUSHIE IN 10 EASY STEPS:

1) Run to the sidewalk.

2) Steal a bike.

3) Ride 5 miles west and 10 miles north or until you run into a wall.

4) Follow the yellow brick road.

5) Stop, drop, and roll.

6) Print out the comparison of George W. Bush and a monkey and show it to the 53rd person to look at you.

7) If that person gives chase, run 4 hours southwest.

8) Do ten jumping jacks.

9) Fall on the floor and call yourself "Pancake Man".

10) Follow the next person you see wearing green. You should be at…

Ash: Mr. Psychic's house?

HB: My Charmander Plushie isn't here!

Ash: That's okay, I'll find it!!

THE CONTINUED SEARCH FOR THE CHARMANDER PLUSHIE IN 15 EASY STEPS:

1) Throw a PokeBall at the next thing that moves. 

2) Run like the wind Bullseye!!!

3) Get whacked by Hanni.

4) Get a life.

5) Run around in circles until the satellites stop watching you.

6) Do the Hamster Dance! Dee ba dee da de de do do, dee ba de ba de de do…

7) Grow wheels.

8) Drive 67 yards west, 23 yards north, 87 feet east, and 1 mile south.

9) Loose your wheels and skid down the hill.

10) Run until you find Hanni's brother eating tuna with GIR.

11) Watch Invader Zim.

12) Go to Meowth's Party.

13) Do somersaults all the way to Mt. Silver.

14) Throw a ratchet at Duplica. (She has scary eyebrows!!!)

15) If step 14 was done correctly, you should be chased to… 

Ash: Dorney Park???

HB: This is where I first got my Charmander Plushie!!! *runs to the booth where she won the plushie* Hey! You! Where's my Charmander?

Booth Master: *confused* We don't got no more.

HB: WHAT???

BM: Uh… me no speaka English?

Ash: Never fear, I'm sure I have it right this time!

THE CONTINUATION OF THE CONTINUED SEARCH FOR THE CHARMANDER PLUSHIE IN 20 EASY STEPS:

1) Jump on the nearest roller coaster (Talon).

2) Fall out.

3) Pancake Man liiiiiiiiiives!!!

4) Leave the park.

5) Smack someone upside the head.

6) If this person is Misty, quack three times and run like hell.

7) Sing "Horoscope" by Weird Al – belching.

8) Give Hanni a Lemon Drop, three buckets of paint, and target.

9) Watch the fun begin.

10) Turn into a Paras and a Caterpie and scuttle around until someone steps on you.

11) Turn back into a directionally challenged little boy and a sanely challenged little girl. (A/n: I am short. Not fun.)

12) Eat a chocolate Scottie dog.

13) Run straight through a wall, a house, a fence, and a garbage truck until you find a dancing tree.

14) Give the dancing tree a little plastic cat and it will teleport you to Idaho.

15) Lather, rinse, repeat.

16) Do the Hamster Dance again for Hanni commaaaaaands you!!!

Ash: What's with all the Hamster Dancing?

HB: Quiet, pitiful mortal. The Hamster Dance is the ultimate summer song!!! Dance I say!!!

Ash: But it's not summer anymore.

HB: Uugh, don't remind me. Don't you have something to look for?

Ash: Oh, right!

17) Tell Hanni she can't dance and be introduced to the ground before she breaks down and sobs.

18) Tell her she's too sensitive.

19) Run again.

20) Whilst running, scream, "THE CFC'S ARE EATING ALL THE CLEFAIRIES!!!" Which is a good reason to stop using products containing them.

**BONUS** 5 EXTRA STEPS FOR THE PRICE OF …5!!!

21) If Hanni is still rampaging, tell her how wonderful Clefairies are and she'll calm down.

22) Make a mountain out of a molehill, count your Farfetch'ds before they hatch, cry over spilled milk, and dare to be stupid!!! (Bless you Weird Al…)

23) Run 5% of 10 to the power of pi times the circumference of Uranus divided by the number of Tracey bashings PinkScyther has done miles to the west.

24) Complain. (About anything)

25) Act like Hanni's dog and pull the blanket off the nearest bed and doggie-paddle away from a raging Snorlax. You should now be in…

HB: My old school?

Ash: Huh? (His trademarked line)

HB: *Opens her old locker* Charmer!!! *Pulls out Charmander plushie* I knew I would find you somewhere! 

Ash: What's it doing in your old school?

HB: Prolly has it in for me… *gets taunted by peers* 

Ash: Augh! Snorlax!!! *Runs from raging Snorlax*

HB: Oh, Charmer, I'll never forget your birthday again. *Hugs Charmander plushie*

(A/n) Yup, I wrote this on the anniversary of the first day I got Charmer at Dorney Park. He's the only Pokemon I own next to my BK Oddish plushie. An' I love 'im. Come on, everyone give him a great big birthday hug!!! (I know… I'm so pathetic…)

Once again, I do not own Pokemon. PinkScyther is copyright of herself. Yup. And if you can't hug a Charmander, hug a Clefairy or an Oddish. 

Hanni B  
TCLDOW 


End file.
